Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Valley in the Mountains

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"  Matthew 6:21
after a long silence
a smile
and the words come

Brother Sun........Sister Moon
taught us to drive
wet with anticipation
he was
Ivy League bound

 brought to our knees
we learned about
shifting gears
maybe out of fear
love was carved 
 in the tree
at the bottom
of Cayuga
greetings written
in stone 
for the early morning rise
those tents were pitched
longing for release
It isn't easy
living alone
strangers as bedmates
  your parents sent you there

Where is my angel? 

He never did like me, the Father of my first love. He tolerated me, as did his mom but I knew something wasn't quite right. Raquel Welch poster upon his Father's downstairs room, spoke of passions boxed up, yet his son was so open and desire so arduous, the spark of light from his mothers heart was seen deep in his pupil. He knew he was loved by her yet he was earning his Father's approval,so respect was paramount as the games continued.

Silent bets were made and looming strokes of a dark filled New Yourk Bridge sat on the living room mantle. It was there, thoughts; "can't find my place here" just vacant brown. Was it my imagination? Sigma Pi invites, lacy bikini's on the floor of the bunk, there, naked bodies inviting us in as an Ithaca sweety was wrapped in his roommates arms. "No shame" I would think, she thinks she loves him yet if she only knew what he said the day before; "Who can I invited this weekend, good between two sheets and looks great on my dick?"  I was among the creme of the crop, future leaders and all I wanted to do was run. Bridge games, social smiles, beautiful people with intellectual prowess. Made for interesting chemistry but I knew better. He graduated as a Chemical Engineer, 11th in his class but he wasn't my angel anymore.

Finished my medical studies and one of my cohorts introduced me to her brother. My GOD was he good looking and so totally opposite. 6ft 5, Scandinavian descent he tempted me to break almost every private vow, he wanted to be my King. Heard through the grape vine, my fallen angel was engaged to a lawyer, so I accepted his proposal. How could I go wrong with a decathlon champion who adored his family and held his mother in such high esteem? So I dove head first into the loins of uncircumcision.

A whirlwind of decision, birthing and understanding drove us to Florida where someone met me. It was the angel of my youth, professing his love once again.  He met someone but he wasn't sure she was the one. He had to see me one more time. (the lawyer and he didn't work out, nor the MD)  I was PREGNANT with my second child and he kissed me on the lips, a sweet goodbye, please forgive me he said,  whispering you were the one.  My eyes burned and the child within me leapt, snapping me back to the present. I said...He will restore everything to you, just watch! God Bless! and turned to go back to the one I said "death do we part".

Through these precious years, never forgot the innocent...the growing years.  So blessed with every birthing pain. My parents, laid down a strong foundation and choices launched generational seeds of hope.  All in all  been so blessed and recognized my first love, my angel over an over again. The purity and spark of every soul, every season and creation of Jehovah Almighty.  But the day we set any form above the Creator we witness a fallen angel, hopefully it isn't the angel within.

So odd, found the picture in a an old book, "The Living Flame of Love" St John of the Cross, almost threw it out but instead scanned it for this topic. And today, when visiting my mom, as she read the blog written about my dad, just knew was to write this on his birthday! 6/21 (and find that blogspot with MY background) AMAZING ..just pinch me! Think my angel is talking to me...better listen~


  1. Wow, you have me breathless. This is so beautiful, and I love the symbology of St. John of the Cross and love the music.


  2. Laura it really happened...that picture was in that book! i cleaned and found it last week..i hadn't gone through that pile IN AGES..and today being his birthday..i have to work a 12 hr shift but here i am still in awe of it all...

  3. Wonderul, no extra words needed!

  4. This was really well written...and it is beautifully done. Thanks for sharing. Cheers! Jenn

  5. Brenda Namaste,

    And thank you for sharing this searingly personal and beautiful account. Very well done.



  6. Beautiful, Brenda.... Beautiful Brenda. Your cascades of words stun me constantly. Love you, my newest sister *hugs*

  7. I am almost speechless. Superb. Magnificent. Marvelous. Powerful! Yay for you!!!

  8. I don't know if it's the music in the background that plays while I read your blog, or your blog itself, but your writing has a romantic quality to it that filters everything out and forces me to focus on the words. Not easy because my mind usually flits around even as I'm reading, so good job! http://myheartblogstoyou.blogspot.com/2011/06/one-moms-first-love.html

  9. Wonderfully written.

  10. You are quite the poet.


  11. And I forgot - you have an award waiting on my blog!

  12. sipping my coffee this morning an all these comments...so odd..never saw myself as a poet..just reflecting...and writing...and LOTS of crying...the good tears of revelation

    thank you..each and every one of you...strangers yet "so not"!!

  13. thank you claudia..just getting this award thang down..ok to your blog i go hehehe

  14. Wow, I don't even have words. And you know me, the one thing I'm never short of is words.

    Just amazing.

  15. Beautifully haunting..... Wonderful.

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