Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Lack of a Well Defined Purpose?

On my way home from dropping my son off at the train station I saw the most interesting sight.

Actually have seen this before once with a swarm of bees and even fish but rarely birds. In regards to bees they're moving the whole hive and the fish are frenzy feeding but the birds today looked aimless. Unlike migration with a destination, this was a definite circular pattern which almost made me nauseous to watch. Around and around as if they were caught in a looped tornado, self-propelled entities but what triggered this?


Was the cohesiveness of the group so important to trigger flocking and seemingly erratic behavior? The short clip above shows exactly what I saw today.  Of course this got me doing some research and to my amazement found a study which was conducted in Italy. Interaction ruling animal collective behavior depends on topological rather than metric distance;  in other words,  they showed this behavior triggered the flocks when they were attacked by a predator be it a falcon or bullet, cohesiveness of the group demonstrated this affect, end result, confuse the enemy.  

A thought of Alfred Hitchcock movie comes to mind, the enemy for those birds was man. And of course “birds of a feather flock together”.  Popularity, reduce risk of predation and basically congregate and enjoy life together, kinda like GBE 2 or NaBloPoMo!  So maybe to some on the outside we look odd but there is a reason for this; truth or fiction, the choice is ours and we flow with it. 

Usually I chose non-fiction. Not sure why, think it was the pretty butterfly on the cover and my very first novel  I read was;  The Collector  as a child. 

Mom said it was fiction but after reading it my 11 year old voice blurted “Mom this could really happen, I could see this happening” and my heart bled for the trapped dying woman.

See many relationships in this state, where control rules and the partner becomes a puppet, aimless and fat. Not that fat is a sign of being trapped but food is such a BIG comfort and insulation is necessary for the abandoned ones.  Maybe obesity is so evident because food is so available.  But it’s never really about the food though, it’s about unmet needs.  The choices we make to medicate the woundedness within and maybe the unconscious reason we join a group.  Deep down we can hide or just maybe sense,  an answer is just a heartbeat or keystroke away.  If we could just quiet the noise around us long enough to listen. 

My son, the one who is brilliant and pure genius, the one who is saving money riding the train every day, my first born and joy of my life, well he met the most amazing business man and author, Leonard Rubino. Kinda by accident, though in life truly believe there is no such thing.  There is a song I came across today describing this event by the artist Adele; Hiding my Heart

This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
It blew me away
It blew me away

It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away

In essence, this is just what this man did for my son.  Unemployed and ego destroyed, as he had to find shelter back home with family, something no healthy adult male wishes to admit, on top of this lets add witnessing his beloved grandfather dying, a recipe for depression if there ever was one. 

Well he gets a call and a challenge an in no time solves the puzzle. The call came from a good friend from school who couldn’t figure out a web problem at his job so "lets call Ron" everyone was use to calling good ole Ron. But this time there was another challenge solved and the head of the company now wanted to meet my son in person.  Was it Karma, was it reaping what he sowed; always helping his friends, or was it his dying grandfather’s prayer? Please Lord send someone to help my grandson succeed in this world. Cocktail for success either way you look at it, the owner of this company hired my son immediately. 

Leonard Rubino decided to come out of retirement because he was bored. Successful owner of several corporations and this self made millionaire was led to start another company and this one he chose to have my son partnership with.  He even had a lawyer draw up papers so if anything happened to him, his employees would not be abandoned but sheltered monetarily, yes a sign of a healthy leader. 

It was shortly after my dad’s death my son came home with an autographed copy of his bosses book and dedicated to ME!   
To say I was shocked is an understatement but there it was in black and white his message to me; and yet I felt sad reading this, yes, totally thankful I am employed, have a medical license to Rx and even teach, but don’t feel as if this is my purpose in life. 

It’s then I read the title of this book; “Success and Happiness One Day at a Time” 

Misplaced the book for awhile an I remember my mom wanted to read it.  Always had a hard time saying “no”, if someone asked me for something, I would give it away and especially your mom, Dad would want to see her happy.

Time tic tocked along and I honestly forgot about the book. Mourning has seemingly passed and though dad was such a bright light in our lives, truly never thought he would die, not daddy. He was too much fun, but he died anyways, kinda like dreams.

Saw their lives change when dad couldn’t find a job, often wondered if he just gave up, especially when unavailable funds led him into a home of their affordability; a mobile home. I remember the day the opportunity was offered to them; moms face twitched and my dad’s eyes got real big and his face turned red.  A mobile home was not the retirement community of their dreams and though the reality of “no funds” directed their steps, sadness filled my heart. Why? Because this was my gift, the only thing I could afford and it was nothing but a slap to their egos and I never saw this in them before

See, I saved money for my retirement. I was so proud of this but when the hurricanes ripped through this side of Florida; all four of them; Jeannie, Francis, Wilma and Katrina, AND my parents were left homeless, what else could a child have done? Yup, offer them shelter.  This also included shelter for my daughter, grandkids and even for a few weeks, when a sister who was fighting with her husband.  Yes, my home was a retreat of sorts and I didn’t mind, they would do the same for me if I was in a similar situation; so I thought. 

Years have passed, daughters have flown on, sisters have remained partnered, my son on the verge of a financial breakthrough and I face bankruptcy.  My husband is solvent and will stay that way. After all these were not choices he agreed with and it wasn’t money he banked or “bought in” with. This was my family, my choices and he was present to hug me and help us “move on” as good husband’s do.  Heck the sex was still great and who would guess that from 60+ year olds? THIS was never discussed in my family, just a real great surprise for me because as a child I thought sex stopped at say 40. :0)  

So here I am, sitting on the couch making time for writing and praying.

I made a promise to myself, no matter what, discipline myself for at least 30 days and DO THIS.  Ironically I found Leonard's book today. February this year, I asked him if I could quote his book and write about it. Don’t know why I even asked, had a quiet thought and his response was loud and clear; this is what this book is about. An instrument for healing, please implement any way shape or form. 

Today I opened the book to this; Monthly Affirmation: I do only things that make me successful  Ok, I admit it, my nose is making that burning feeling and my eyes are fuzzy, tears get in the way but I can still read the truth.  The timing is perfect, have some time off of work, husband is out of town on business and Praise God there is peace and quiet all around me, except for Pookie, our ring neck parrot, he is talking up a storm!  

Yet I read on; Leonard writes; “Most people spend more time planning a two week vacation than they do in figuring out what they want to do with their life. People who do not succeed in life blame it on just about everything." He goes on to say; “It is better if you don’t worry about money and look for a life purpose that will really make you happy. Then, see if you can make other people happy. Then see if you can turn it into a financial success.”

Never was the type of person who joined a group to "become popular". It just sounds WRONG, yet I always was “part of the popular group”. This was made evident by a recent high school house guest who pointed this out to me. She said “I will never forget the time when ..” and she shared a moment when I encouraged her.  This made me cry, 1. Don’t remember the incident 2. It helped her immensely. 

Gosh we just don’t know the power we sincerely have.Today I rediscovered my purpose.


  1. holy goodness...i just noticed the time i submitted this...after i submitted it to NaBloPoMo first.......and ITS THE SAME DATE AS WHEN lEONARD SIGNED HIS BOOK...GOOSE BUMPS IN FLORIDA ~!!

  2. What a take on this subject! It brought me somewhere I had not contemplated, and, now I'll have to work not to encorporate your thought into MY post! LOLOL!!!

    I always find your blog to be so spiritual and moving. Thanks for that!

  3. this one really hit me hard...maybe because everyone is OUT OF THE HOUSE!! Funny...usually i need glasses (you know; wine, cognac, presedential margarita type glasses) but since i have been seeing a nutritionist and on an organic food only program (right NO alcohol) I have lost 30 lbs and getting my figure back! WOOT WOOT, but relaxation comes more natural now...and subtly see how important it is for me to discipline my thoughts so to "be still and know"... :0)...and well why do tears happen during this time? Guess what "overflowing" is all about !! ((hugs)) amy..you peeker you! LOL ok now i can go read all of the others..WOOT WOOT ahh..but not sipping my Chardonnay

  4. Wow. Now this is a blog post. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself....and encouraging me (and I am sure many others) at the same time. :)

  5. WOW i MADE IT #1213!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT

    thankyou Sylvia..now to find yours hehe

  6. The bird video is amazing! I guess it just goes to show we should all stick together; however, I immediately thought of The Birds. Scariest film of my childhood.

    It's been a tough time for everybody (but the 1%). Sounds like you've been a great support for your family.


  7. hi brenda... great post... weight lose - always a WOOT WOOT....
    thanks for following...
    pssst, back to you.... my husband visits, but mostly i do the visiting.. being a teacher, i have more time available for traveling during vacations throughout the year... so, yes, nuptials fit in at some point, and are very exciting indeed - like a honeymoon! wink, wink...

  8. You just amaze me sometimes with your honesty and generosity. You are both generous with your family and with us. Sharing your thoughts and your history is our gift.
    So glad I am getting to know you.
    This blog rocks.

  9. aww Jo ((hugs)) ever get up and say "when will i ever learn" i think the hardest thing is forgiving ourselves.. LOL and love on!!

    @ Danneromero! WOOT WOOT love those kind of "road trips" lol so great knowing you all!

  10. Lovely post that flows from beginning to end!


  11. This was moving and honest and deep. Thank you! From the music to the bird video, through the heartfelt words, I truly enjoyed this.

  12. Oh Brenda, what an interesting set of challenges for you and your family, and yet, the help, in the form of the book, the friendships, and yes, even us at GBE2, all come together as needed.

  13. You have a wonderful way of getting to the heart of the matter. Your forthright approach to and willingness to see wonder in life makes it both a joy and a privilege to read your posts--and stopping here always feels like a welcome.

    I'm not sure if what I'm about to say is going to come out right, so please bear with me. I think that even your 'down' is a wonderful place because you approach life with such openness and a certainty, it seems, that if you seek, you will find. I love that. (Did that make sense?)

    Oh, and the signed book is wonderful! I have a small collection of signed books and I truly treasure them.